Eventful weekend. Maybe it's why I am always tired. And now sick. Hurhur. We are so close to the end of everything.. and then it's right back to the great unknown. How ready am I for my life to shift again? How ready am I to let this life, the one that I have grown quite accustomed to (ish), go? For once, I feel this overwhelming urge to prove myself in my work space. I think I've learnt more here than I realized, people-wise. Above anything I refuse to believe/admit that I am stressed. Cos I'm not. It's not the work, it's just physical exhaustion. Stress is a weakness. Really, I'm not (see). It's just a mess in my head. Stress x Mess. The only thing that will tide me over now is... a new bag. SIGH. I fucking can't wait to return to the Motherland. Life. Material things aside, four letter words seem to be the theme of the week. The pristine green.. was never that pristine anyway and I have the scars to show for it. Hmm. Excitement at what cost? The first thing off my list of things to do before I leave. Good to know I'm still as rebellious as ever. And yet I also feel like I've become slightly more.. cautious? I think I've just come to see that this isn't everything. Upon reflection, I am starting to see that most of the bad decisions I have made in my life stems from this vice. And that is exactly what it is.. a V I C E. For too long I let it control me and the way I think. Slavery in all possible ways. F U C K. Too much. I wanted to protect us from that because I am never satisfied. Yeah, this blows. Re-re-re-reduced. Is it too much to ask? Too much too fast?
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