This time, I will be listening

Lately I've been pondering the meaning of life (and the color of jellybeans and what not) a lot more than usual. Not in a sad way, just in a more meaningful way. Comfort zones have shifted dramatically but the change in scenery is nice. The erratic mood swings are not going away though. Some hours I'm jumping around and running my mouth and others are spent sulking in the corner, frustrated at the direction my life is heading. Caffeine crash. Some days I actually get scared that I might fall back into the depressing cycle of hopelessness again. But those days are few and far in between. It isn't anyone else but me, which makes it a lot more difficult to fix but it's easier to handle. Life. Though I must admit, I still get everything I want in some way or another. I'm not sure how I suddenly found myself in the middle of this whirlwind. The exception is that I almost find myself putting a great deal of blind fucking faith in the possibility of.. this. It's uncharacteristic. I think it'll be a great challenge for me to take it back to normalcy, to learn to be simple. Yet I know it's bad on so many different levels. One of today's greatest setbacks is, ironically, the past. Things I cannot run away from; what I used to be. While I'm a lot more settled now, some things will always be tainted. Everybody wants to fix the sad girl. I don't even want to start on how ludicrous it is.

Please don't get me wrong