Yes, it happened again. Let's just not go there, I cannot handle people being disappointed in me. Nowadays things just happen, I don't think much for fear of overthinking and having everything explode in my head. Which is why I am caught in this situation I guess. I still have yet to decide whether this is good for me or not. On one hand, you make me feel safe in an environment where I am nothing. And for once in an extremely long time, I don't feel like I'm constantly being reminded that I'm just not good enough. And yet on the other, bad life decisions aside, I know I'm not. I don't know. Maybe it is too soon, not because I'm not over it but because I don't want to become a serial monogamist. Life. Speaking of which, work is fast becoming dreadful. Such unnecessary bitchiness. Honey, you're lucky I couldn't fucking claw at you. One thing I fucking detest about being on the lowest rung is that I can't stand up for myself. Which is where you making me feel safe comes in. Hmm. Being drastically ill and alone for the first time in forever has left me torn between wanting to believe in all the times you were there for me and all the times you really let me down. Instant memory: that first time you disappeared and the wise one said "I'm sorry but he's just not trustworthy". Hmm. I think I've pretty much chosen to under think everything. There is really no point in that at all and really, it's just not fucking worth it.
But you swear you love me more
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