You looked like me on Sunday

Well. Here we go. I don't know what else to say anymore. Everything that was fast becoming nothing turned around and became something to worry about again. Seriously fucked it up, fuck up. All the anger and frustration and complete disbelief aside, I am hurt in a million ways. Nights by the green are never good. Never. Who is meaner, really? I want what I cannot have. I always want what I cannot have. It would be too weird. Who needs me anymore, really? I can't even fathom coherent thoughts, still. I am lost. Haven't I seen this all happen before? Will I ever be okay with this again? Do I have to go back to worrying about going away and coming back to nothing? Is it something that I really cannot have? Yes, maybe, yes and no. Above all, I really didn't think it would be you of all people. This is happening to me and I am fucking scorned. Maybe it was all a show of independence. Maybe I myself am just a show. Break up, make up, maybe baby (get it get it). This will not go down well; keeping score, striking out, matching up. Somehow I am damn sure I will never match up in your books. We will never be the same.

That was the girl I used to be