Maybe I put way too much stress on myself. This week sounds more like it should, but feels wrong in all places. Going to school, a shopping spree (courtesy of my mother's credit card), a second attempt at cooking, surprising Am at work, a million fights and other recreational activities. Going out of my mind, really. I love it still, I do, it's just creating a rift between reality and what happens in my mind. A distance between me and everything. This holiday has really proven to me that detachment is not as difficult as I had imagined. Why should I indulge tantrums and finger-pointing? I don't always need attention, I don't always need company. Yet, that also proved how easy it is for me to stop caring, all it really takes is one day. Ironically, a day apart to not be able to stand being together. I know it's mutual. Is it really fair to blame the fantasies? Or is it really a distraction from the fact that the foundation seems to be weaning away? I don't want to be the only one who notices. Hmm. On a brighter note, things seem to be looking up on the job front and that really eases things. Also, this week I really learnt how lucky I am and how unfair life truly is. Undeserving is such a fucking understatement.
Do you care if I don't know what to say?
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