I am afraid to even think of what I have done this week because it seems so insufficient. Zouk (finally), breakfast, massive fights, showing up at my door, etc. As dissatisfaction grows inside me, it dawns upon me that greed is what it is. What I have is never enough. What I have never satisfies me. Greedy for more days, more freedom, more ability, more commitment, more adoration, more more more. The only thing I need less of is myself. In so many ways. I have yet to reach the stage where I am grateful to simply be here and have a positive attitude. I am still stuck on being angry and filled with dread. Hurr. On a different note, the only debate that happens nowadays is the "am I in, am I out" one. Again. It is so easy to make this difficult. Sometimes I just want to be wanted. More. Needed, a lot more. But sometimes I am fine being perfectly alone. Basically, I just want to be every fucking thing. April, why did you have to come?
You let me fall
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