Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go

Maybe you'll remember me.

I don't know where to start. Everything just keeps coming, and it just won't stop. The pain, the disappointment, the record-breaking, the thoughts, the pressure, the yelling, the crying. It's just too much for one person to handle. Everything's going wrong at the same fucking time and it's absolutely killing me. I know it was bound to happen, I know it's for the best, but it doesn't stop it from sucking. Nothing does. But I know I'll be okay, eventually. Thanks everyone for being there for me, god knows what I'll do without you. I'm not okay now, and maybe I won't be tomorrow, or maybe even the next day, but eventually it'll be alright. Eventually.

Thought I couldn't live without you, 

It's gonna hurt when it heals too,

It'll all get better in time.

Even though I really loved you,

I'm gonna smile cos I deserve to,

It'll all get better in time.

I don't shine if you don't shine

I guess I saw it coming.

Take it. Take it all back. take back those words, take back those thoughts. Pretend they never left your lips, pretend they never crossed your mind, pretend it never mattered. Take the clock, you can use mine, and turn it back. Back to just two days ago, when we (or maybe just me) were deliriously happy, when all that mattered was now, when nothing could tear us apart. Take me back to when you didn't matter this much, when this would have been so fucking easy for me, when I was stronger. Because I can't handle this. I can't handle this emptiness, I can't handle losing you, I can't handle leaving; not like this. Pffft; I can barely handle the fact that it isn't up to me and that I'm the one left hanging. This waiting will kill me. Funny. I don't believe anyone's ever broken my heart like that before, fuck I almost want my pride back.

Because I'm running low on watermelon gum anyway.

If you didn't notice, you mean everything

Are you breaking up with me?

Cause I fear I might break,

And I fear I can't take this.

Tonight I'll lie away, feeling empty.

I've damned her to hell

I'm a heartbreaker.

Last minute plans left us armed with bubbre tea and a box full of food sitting around catching up about trips, school, boys and girls. This followed by a futile attempt to get beer at Cheers(when the hell has that ever happened to us?), thus resulting in us scuttling over to Seven Eleven and finally succeeding. HA! Lepaked by the river for a while with our beers and non-existent nuts and off to the pub we went for actual drinks. And for the second time in two weeks, my liver gave way and I crashed and burned after just a few. Embarrassing.

 Flushed, shaking and incredibly nauseous (Yes I hurled), I couldn't even make it home and an indignant call for help had to be made. Thanks again Chew for saving my life(and eyeballs) and you love, for looking after me the best way you could. And after all of that, I reach home, twenty three hours later, only to be greeted with a mountain of work and slipping grades.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this life anymore.

I am selfish. I am wrong.

I promise I won't forget you?

Back.

If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong

Cause I won't stop holding on

I wish we had one more kiss

Gone.

Hold me like you'll never let me go.

And all will be forgotten.

3 more days.

I think we have an emergency.

And if it was time well spent

Too much has changed.

I think it's because I am supposed to be studying that I am thinking so much. Yes indeed so much has changed. It's funny how a tiny spark explodes into something so big and dangerous, and how it becomes a catalyst, and triggers everything else, breaking the foundation of which everything else is built on. Its just funny. Not in a hahaha way, but in a hmm-life-is-much-more-fragile-than-I-thought way. Well maybe it's not all that funny. It's just..food for thought.

And all these other feelings I think I'm feeling, they need to be put aside for a while because they're probably not concrete. And there's no way in hell I want to jeopardize this over something I tricked myself into thinking, cos despite all the little issues, I still think it's worth it. No, I'd never understand myself either.

5 more days.

Some things I'll never know

And I had to let them go

I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel the pressure

It's getting closer now

We're better off without me