Cos I don't wanna hurt you either

And it's still so hard to be who you are

I'm gone as the day is fading

The problem with denial, is that it always catches up with you. It grabs you by the collar and shakes you til you're face to face with your demons, which always ends up bigger than you would ever have imagined.



My problem is that I know that full and well and yet I always choose to go down that route. Yes, I am accepting that I am constantly in denial. DEAL. Ha. As you can tell, it hasn't exactly been the best of weeks. Quite the contrary actually, it's been possibly the worse week of the year(Yeah, it's still January) School was fucking exhausting. Death by orientation I say. And well, results is a whole new catagory on it's own. Despite initial reactions, I'm feeling pretty neutral about my magic number now. Well.. you know. Haha. And don't even get me started on missing all my honeys): My pod knows me better than I know myself and it keeps playing songs that make me reminisce! And now, right now, right this instant, I am positively raging with contempt, filled to the brim with utter confusion and feeling a slight twinge of regret.




I have had way too much coffee for my own good.

In my heart is the five of us. And then some(:

Ain't it funny how you think

You're gonna be OK

Till you remember things ain't never

Gonna be the same again?

Ain't it crazy how you think

You've got your whole life planned

Just to find that it was never ever

In your hands?

I think I'm finally scared now

Everybody who isn't going to be the first one to get their results tomorrow should not be complaining.




Fuck, I can't breathe.

I wanna kiss you underneath the stars, by the giant watermelon(:

Quite evidently, I have issues.

So I've had a really rough week and I am now filled to the brim with a myraid of mostly negative emotions. Blame the PMS. It's difficult being away from everyone for so long, even if it's just days at a time. And it's difficult being alone in a new school, having to plunge headfirst into a brand new social situation with nothing but your phone as your security blanket. It's difficult knowing that I should be grateful and having fun, but am not. It's difficult facing the fact that results will be out sometime soon. It's difficult trying to figure everything out by myself, especially when I have next to no idea what is going on. It's also getting increasingly difficult to find time to spend with everyone. Not to mention, it's so difficult not letting what my closest friends think bother me.

On the other hand, it's getting a little too easy for me to lie.

Heh. Oh well, random pictures ahead.

Audrey, you look like a flipping blowup doll-.- Oh and Happy Seventeenth Weelyn!(: So.. OLD!
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. ):

We're looking up at the same night sky

And keep pretending the sun will not rise

We'll be together for one more night

Somewhere, somehow

Pressure and a horrible end

I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be this hard.

So I've basically been wasting the past few days away just lazing around, reading, going into random baking frenzies, hiking up my phonebill, thinking, smiling to myself a lot and of course, hanging out with my girls(: And yes, I start school officially tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. And I cut my hair but no one seems to have noticed.

Judge silently.

Tripping up on my tongue,

It’s all over my face and I’m racing

Gotta get away from you

Burning all the way home,

Try to put it to bed but it chases

Every little thing I do

Jocks and Nerds(:

I just wanna thank each and every one of you for making today just almost bearable(:


If I could escape,
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?(:

How does that fucking help?

I hate everything about this stupid fucking year.

We have changed but we're stil the same

NEU YEAH!


HAHAHA. Well, it's the second day of the year, which means school has finally come and stolen everyone from me. Which of course means that I have been very sadly and pathetically been cast aside and have been left to rot at home alone. Heh. Not to mention January is looking pretty bleak now that everyone is either schooling, working or over the sea. Damn. December was hip and happening(oh my god) and now i'm sad and pathetic. I'm starting school super soon too and it's freaking me out. Not to mention my liver is probably luminous orange from the amount of drinking I've been doing lately. Ha. Oh and it's such a gloomy rainy day and the chEW and I were talking about the past and the future and unfortunately the present so in view of that, I think it's time for..



ABI'S TOP 100(+51) MEMORIES OF 2007!

100)2007 Countdown with the chEW at the Esplanade. Missing the last train and DYING at starbucks.
99)Waking up the next morning at some unearthly hour to do homework but failing miserably
98)" Is Miss Chen Pregnant?"
"No...She's just fat"
97)*The HENG walks into class*
"OH MY GOD"
96)Sonia and I getting kicked out of chinese class on the second day of school, and naming the plants Edgar and Dinky. Yes.
95)Sonia and I exchanging sharperners that were found in the scientific set
94)GANGSTA DODE
93)Starting on Joy Luck Club in Lit
92)The Heng telling me that my thoughts are wrong
93)Me getting so fucking pissed with her one day and yelled and yelled and she died
92)"But if they walk around in big huge white conical hats..won't people know who they are?!"
-Me on the Ku Klux Klan
91)Sonia spelling her own fucking name wrong (SONA)
92)Being called into a tiny room in the Gneral Office and having a one-on-one session(sounds wrong) with China HOD
90)Finally being moved out of Band 3 class and into Band 2. Hey, it comes with bragging rights baby(:
89)Being in a very stuffy dark corner of 4.8 every chinese lesson
88)Oh my god. Chinese DRILLS.
87)"Shut DOWN la" Yes that was this year.
86)"It's just a mask. She's crying on the inside"

85)Sec four camp at TP and our awesome class cheer.

84)"Bounce my ball, Bounce my ball"

83)Getting on the wrong bus from TP heading towards Tampines Mall and ending up at Eunos

82)SYF camp, with lemon cake and everything

81)Failure preview

80)"..BITCH" in the midst of Dreamgirls

79)Dode is big entourage and has to put my plate back from recess every single time

78)Sonia is small entourage and has to hold Dode's hideous orange purse when she washes up

77)I was proclaimed Master(:

76)SYF camp 2, complete with Ghost scares and everything

75))Rae sleeping in a towel

74)Anne going home to take a dump

73)The fucked up food and pink BARLY!

72)The SYF practices at ACS barker

71)All the crappy previews

70)SYF day itself. 11 April 2007

69)The hell we went through between then and results

68)How we got our results at 12something at night. How Din called with the beautiful news. How I called Anne and she knew even before I opened my mouth. How I cried(:
67)My dad's surprise of the Moto(red) that I had beem begging for(:

66)Impromtu beach day with Buu and attacking innocent children with nuts(:

65)Sonia P. Marine Parade Library. Where it all began.

64)Total denial phase which lasted like...2 days.

63)Failure chem practicals with Ethel cos we were busy talking about shoes

62)Sentosa with Pats and Cheong, being dragged through the Dragon trail, playing truth or truth.

61)Mid-Summer's Night Dream with chEW on the last day of Mid Years

60)Sonia. Gelare. Where it all came out.

59)Another time we were there, and my mom suddenly appearing in the horizon!

58)Me freaking out at chEW cos the prices of eggs were increasing! HA.

57)Macbeth play. Pau and I having a mini fit everytime a bell rang, Ethel and Max speaking in Geog, Pau sprawling out in the seat and eventually falling asleep

56)9 WASTED hours of Chinese tuition in prep for Os

55)Jessie's Tamil paper having Shakespeare in it

54)Oooohhh.. Pirates 3(((:

53)The day I finally understood moles, Buu and I at the Airport Starbucks

52)Pau and Rae fooling the foolish jock into believing that they were in a super scandalous lesbian relationship.

51)Sonia High-fiving the Heng..............NO

50)Her doing it again. WILLINGLY.

49)Oh my. Sitting next to Sonia for 3 monthes and all that orange candy!

48)Finally moving over to Weelyn(Thank God)

47)We_lyn
46)Catching her amusing herself with the Calculator
45)Joining in and beating her at her own game(:

44)Betting the weather with her constantly((:

43)Winning almost every single time(:

42)Cheong constantly looking outside class

41)TRANSFORMERS

40)Sonia learning to whistle. NEVER have I had another moment of silence from then.

39)The CCA party thing, the ABNIA chocolate bet, my a-little-too-loud proclaimation of uh.... enjoyance(: HAHA. Making Pasu start the party and dancing the night away. Well, til 9 anyway.

38)Coffee Bean with Paulala, chEW and Jes-sey

37)How Sonia and I would study every wednesday and I would ALWAYS get the Lemon tart.

36)How Pau Sonia Dode and I would sit at the back of the canteen everyday and eat either laksa, chicken rice or mixed rice.

35)Sonias Green Tea, Pau's and my Wintermelon and Dode's Grass Jelly.

34)Me finally opening my own can after two whole years of begging someone else to do it.

33)How Sonia and I are always on one side of the table (For pretty...unholy reasons) and Dode is always on the other

32)Ethel always promising me chocolates and takin forever to actually give them to me

31)Ethel and Ivana constantly having couple's quarrels

30)Throwing things at Ethel's head to obtain hysterical reactions. ie. Paper aeroplanes and fake insects(:

29)"IVANA. DON'T BE SELFISH. SHARE THE FAN"

28)Throwing erasers (and the odd gluestick) at Audrey's big fat head

27)Audrey's retarded haircut

26)Weelyn thinking a Rhino was a Dino. HAHAHA

25)Sonia'a horrifying story of horrify.

24)The time Cheong spelt lingerie as lauderiang(What the fuck?)

23)BOTASH sitting behind me

22)Making Jo pass all my notes

21)Jessie always counting the windows when she gets bored

20)Weelyn and I laughing at her and once even trying to take a photo

19)How I used to crawl into the tiny space next to Buu and spill my guts

18)How Weelyn HATES peanut butter(what the hey?!)

17)Me to Weelyn: "EW. you listen to backstreet boys?!"
Audrey:"Huh? How did you know I listen to........oh. shit."
16)Spending five consecutive days studying with Din
15)Moving into the MPR2
14)WAIT! Our last Drama session(:
13)Dode dying her cat blue
12)I yelled at chew for fucking being a fucking stupid fucker. then apologising profusely like 2 seconds later
11)Pasu running off to the toilet in English class and taking a 45 min nap
10)Pau failed at sliding down the banister, thus Sonia and I pushed her UP, injuring chEW along the way
9)Sonia and I went to school super late, just cos we could(:
8)Cheong and a whole bunch of us skipped English lessons
7)Ms Kang bought us snacks and everything after a very..emotional lesson
6)Sonia and I, we beat Pau up(:
5)Trying to accomplish our fucking retarded list of things we need to do before we leave school
4)Sonia and I at Starbucks, trying to decide WHO. And me oh-so-intelligently tricking her((:
3)How I used to attack Rae with BEBE
2)Pau took a nap and fell off the couch
1)*run run run turn around run* "SHUTTAAAP" *Trip flop fall roll DIES*
-1)All the night study sessions, most of which were spent getting very very distracted and not actually studying at night. HAHA
-2)One time I made Audrey my servant
-3)Failure attempt at climbing a tree which equated to Cheong using the payphone for the first time..EVER.
-4)O levels!
-5)Post E maths paper. Clock. Pau's face. FUNNY
-6)LAST PAPER which was LIT, when I. just. DIED.
-7)Me dancing around my room in my underwear later that night, popping Peanut butter M&Ms and getting ready to go out with my girls to celebrate like I've never celebrated before(:
-8)The soup incident with the anti-bio girls the next day. Tsk tsk Weelyn. HAHA
-9)Grad Night FOOF
-10)Posuer Prom(:
-11)POST GRAD NIGHT PARTY baby((: NEVER EVER forget THAT
-12)Morning after + Damage Control
-13)NEW HAIR
-14)Ethel and I going for the Grad Night Rehearsals in our own clothes and eventually getting sent home.
-15)Republic of China la! HAHA
-16)Crying when I found out about *&^ in ^&(% ):
-17)Finally a beachy day with the Rah
-18)Being bitches at the Drama party and having someone ring our doorbell at 3 in the morning
-19)CHRISTMAS. COFFEE.
-20)Rae getting me a shark from Australia
-21)Using the failure job agency thing that Audrey recommanded and NOT getting a job
-22)Dan the man and his failure-ness
-23)YOYOMA!
-24)Rae's casino party and having Din be my one and only man.
-25)Hong Kong baby(: Good food and awesomely awesome shopping
-26)Realisations. Heh.
-27)Ethel's PINK sweet sixteen. The balloons, the number game, and staying up til 5.30 watching Home Run
-28)IsaBALL((:
-29)FAILURE Class reunion where only EIGHT people showed up
-30)"Girl ah girl. SATAY la girl. SATAY. GIRL." HAAHAHAH
-31)Dode buying us lightsticks
-32)SHOOTING. STAR. (:
-33)Going to a coffee joint with Din at least once a week and just talking(:
-34)Badminton Day with chEW and Jessie. Sonia hit herself where it hurt.
-35)Cards with the steamy one and then watching fucking gross movies with Jessie and her gross coloured popcorn
-36)Abnia banner making and the orange fucking platapus(sp)
-37)WORK AT BODS. Repetitive Christmas songs, "Hi welcome!" "Who the HELL do you -THANK YOU- Think you are Din?" all at six bucks an hour
-38)Sonia and I going to IKEA and dropping a BOMB, then travelling to CHinatown, then to Bugis.
-39)Me breaking ma cup-.-
-40)Me waking up on Christmas puking my brains out, but making it to Pasu's and Rae's anyway(:
-41)SENTOSA DAY ONE!((: The tiny room, the beach which was just a short walk away, Pau's shuttAP moment, my...moment, hot guy, HANGING with my brudder(no. seriously) and making them BEG me for shot glasses, and not giving it to them(:

-42)"OI. That one classic la" "My mamma shop outside okay!" "I push your button then you know!"
-43)DAY TWO! Failure Coffee Bean, Delifrance, pool, ice cream, subway, getting ready
-44) PAR-TAY!!(: All the gifts, the music, the dancing, the drinking, the solja boy!
-45)SURPRISE! BUUUUUU((: Yes, I cried. HAHA
-46)SURPRISE! CONCERT BAND GIRLS. Yeah I almost died(: Hahah
-47)Birthday shot(: Slightly drunks. Puking. Falling off beds. Bailey's Mint. Morning after(And no damage control) ((:
-48)New Year's Eve baby(: Depp marathon. Falling off beds(: Sneaking around. New Year's shot.
-49)COFFEE. Endless.
-50)STUDYING. ALL. THE. TIME.
-52)Motherfucking scandalous last day of school(:

And I promise I'll never leave you.

SIGH(: Yeah, that took FOREVER. haha. I hope it was worth it(: Hmm.. So i've made my New Year's resolutions. I've made about a million and have alreay broken so many. And one super big huge one so..MEAH. But the ones that still stand are to be more independent (both physically and emotionally), not to care about people judging me and to keep in touch with all my friends(: Yeeaaahh.

Soo.... What comes next.

Do you know what you started

I just came here to party

But now we're rockin on the dancefloor

Acting naughty

Your hands around my waist

Just let the music play