Darling, you're hot.

The Moon is sexy tonight.


I hope it never goes away.. The Moon gives me hope, it makes me appreciate nature, I love that you can't capture it's beauty on film or in words. I love when it gets so big that I can see the dark shadings on it. I love how it lights up the sky. I love how it brings people together. I love that it brings out the kid in me.


Sigh. Audrey bought me coffee and now I can't sleep. Ha. Ironically I think I'm allergic to it, but I love it anyway(No, I don't know why) It hasn't been a great week. But it has been rather.. sentimental. Really. Well.. of course, there was the results and all. Heh. Let's skip that.


Today was the last day we spent in our 4/6 classroom. Everyone was getting upset and suddenly very appreciative of our increibly messy classroom. I mean, it holds precious memories to each and everyone of us.. How I had to endure sitting with sonia for like two months(Worst ever), when I moved to Weelyn's side, when I caught her playing with her calculater, how we played those stupid games which I mostly won, how we used to bet the eight cents on the weather, how it was reduced to seven cents*ahem, how I used to kick Ethel's chair, how I used to tell Ivana to share the fan, how I used to turn around to botash and randomnly spew my lifestories, how I used to get Jo to pass ALL my notes, how Ethel reacted to the paper plane, how I throw my eraser(and sometimes gluestick) at Audrey's head and then bursting into laughter every single time, how sonia emerges from Audrey's head, how she so forlornly looked on at Audrey's empty table when she was absent, how we formed the retarded alliance, how Cheong looks out the door all the time, how Pasu is always making bad faces at me, how Jo and Chans are always sticking stuff on Audrey's and Sonia's backs, how I used to sit in my saftey corner on the floor next to Buu, how her stuff is always flying around, how Jessie always counts the windows on the opposite blocks, how Weelyn and I laugh at her bad faces, how Ivana and I gang up on Weelyn and make fun of her, how many times I've cried, how the class is never empty during recess, how we're always screaming and yelling and laughing after school, how we eat in class all the time.



HAHAHA.. wow that was long. I couldn't stop typing. Heh. really makes me miss it now. But let's move on.. I want my grad night dress! :( OH! Yesterday during night study, it was raining really heavily so we had to order pizza for dinner. And after about an hour, we were all grumpy and hungry so I told Audrey to call them back. And when she did, all she did was nodd politely and say thanks. ("I'M SHY!") And after it still didnt arrive after an hour and a half, I called them back to give them a piece of my mind. HAHA.. so I said that it was unacceptable that they said it would come in an hours time and that it had not arrived. So while the lady went to check, I looked at Audrey and went

".. she did say 45mins to an hour right?"
"...nooo.... she said an hour to an hour and a half"
"....WHAT"


HAHAHA.. so I had to lie and say that they were wrong. Oops(: So anyway, when our food finally arrived, I came to the conclusion that Pasu, Rah, Wee, Maxine and Drey was a really really wierd combination. Basically anything that includes that last one.. like today's Din, my lovely study buddy...and that. HAHA. I promise to throw that eraser at you next year, just you watch. DIN! Do not disappear from my life again! hahaha(: Don't tell anyone that the prataman knows my name!(I'm serious. He does. HAHA)


Which reminds me, ABNIA has been active lately. Despite the unfortunate timing of yelling, we were really ready to book the place. PLUS, we've been damn lame lately. Stupid concert band girls influence. HAHA.. Let's see, the Horrifying story of HORRIRFY! oh. and the retarded emerging out of Audrey' head, the bitching about..people, the icky bread post-it! the BEANS! HAHAHAH.. oh oh oh! YO and SUP! HAHAHAHAHA... I couldn't get over it. No, we won't do cheong (:


And just for RAE... PINEAPPLE! Please keep your bra on. HAHA.. And Pau, you're a dickhead. I can draw you 3D! HAHA.. BUU! Take care of your swollen eyes!


This is becoming such a tribute.. but since I'm doing it.. READ.

I can't find the moon tonight says:
thanks Pasu. really (:
I can't find the moon tonight says:
we're such retards and assholes but we always seem to be there for each other dont we?
I can't find the moon tonight says:
haha*
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
haha yea im rather glad
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
i think if we didnt hate each other in sec one
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
fake friends in sec two
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
torment one another in sec three
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
and pour coffee all over one another in sec four
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
we wouldnt be the friends we are now
I can't find the moon tonight says:
HAHAHAHAHA
I can't find the moon tonight says:
i love how that sounds
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
=)
The flavour of your lips is enough to keep me pressing. says:
so do i abi =)


We're such saps.


Sigh. I wasn't planning to do this. But it's come so naturally now. We've all been acting so.. sappy and sentimental. I guess it comes with the package, the whole leaving thing. And somedays I get so caught up in the heat of the Os that I forget to appreciate these losers, so sometimes I have to take a step back and look at these lovely days! Rahr. I blame the cosmic alignment of the lunar..stuff. Well no, not the moon.. but other stuff.. like the stars! and..the clouds! heh. AND..
I don't like how safe you make me feel cos in the end I know it isn't real.

















Heh.. Where did the time go?


Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me make this mine,
I'll ignite for you..

Cancel the Coffee

Because life's like that

So deal with it.

Nobody said it was easy

It’s such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Take me back to the start

Maybe it isn't enough.

You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around

Uh huh, that's right

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me

Yeah huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone..

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

I know better

Cause you said forever

And ever; Who knew?

Remember when we were such fools?

And so convinced and just too cool?

Oh no, no no
I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong
They knew better

Still you said forever

And ever; Who knew?

I'll keep you locked in my head

Until we meet again

(Until we, until we meet again)

And I won't forget you my friend

What happened?

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss,

I'll cherish
Until we meet again

And time makes it harder

I wish I could remember

But I keep your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling; Who knew?

It's strange how we're all getting increasingly emotional these days.

It's safe to say that it has been an emotionally-tolling week. Not only have I yet to recover from the two papers at the beginning of the week, I, or rather WE have gotten back some of our results, which personally has fallen short of expectations. Seriously. Yet despite my little breakdown in class on Wednesday, I still have tons of pent up feelings that are causing me great distress. Fucking youth mission didn't help that either.

Everyone's reminiscing today. Really. It's cos of the letter-writing thing during youth mission I presume.. and also I think it suddenly hit lots of people today that we're probably never gonna see each other again. I mean, not people you're super close to you know? But people that we talk to everyday, that we laugh with and we make fun of, but not people whom you would tell secrets to, or even go out with. Those kind of people who have made a significant enough impact on your life to be remembered by the stupid tings they did and not by name 20 years down the road. These have always been the people I was upset about leaving, because I've already done it so many times. Heck. I've left all those people who were near and dear to me so many times over the years that we're complete strangers now. And that's just cos we went to a different class. Imagine what a different school could do to us? Abu always tells me that if I really want it to work, I can do it by taking the initiative to call them up and all. But people change. I change, you change, we all change. We all become different people. And even if by some crazy miracle we still have similarities, well.. sometimes the circumstances don't work.

Of course I'm not saying that I won't try. I already have a list of people that I HAVE to keep in contact with. But.. I don't know. Am I just being too cynical or am I being realistic? I can't even tell anymore. And to look back and think about all those lovelies who I have already left behind, it makes me question myself. I know it's always my fault. I'm always the one that moves on, and for that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that we've lost everything that we had before, because those are memories that I will always treasure, even if thay make me wince now thinking about it(: I often wonder, if I have left so many people before, even those who were so important to me, why won't the people that I absolutely adore now eventually leave too? Sometimes I think I'm just being silly, but sometimes it won't stop bugging me. And I'm worried my loves, I'm worried that we'd all move on and not look back at the wonderful times we've had together, I'm worried that one day we won't recognise each other anymore, I'm worried that I'll never be able to call you my friends. And it saddens me beyond belief. It really does.

But I know we'll always have the memories. And that's why I hold on to them so tight, because I'm so afraid that if I let them go, I'd have nothing to show of my secondary school life except for my O level slip. That's not the kind of person I want to be anymore. So every now and then, my girlfriends and I gather together and (like today) we sit and we talk and we recall and laugh and cry over all the great times we've had together and the not-so-great times we've had. We don't always get the minute details correct, and sometimes we forget and need some prompting, but we always remember what the most important it was. That we always had fun together.

It's scary isn't it? To realise that one day they won't remember your name.

I love them. Really.

I'm crying now.

We're breaking up

Oh no. Exams are over.



I don't know how to deal with any of it.



I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

Life's like that

I think I'm about due for a longer post yeah? Haha..





Prelims are almost over. ALMOST. Which means not yet, but of course I'm still here. Ha. Well.. I'm not gonna deny it. It hasn't really been going well. in fact it's been much worse than I expected. But let's not focus on that til the horrid things called results are released yeah? There's still A Maths paper two and Science MCQ to save me. Hopefully.




ANYWAY, I haven't been able to focus lately. I've just been thinking a lot about the holidays and all the awesome stuff I'll be doing then! Not to mention all the money I'll be spending. Ooohh. Not pretty. Let's see, Yoga, French, Grad Night dress, Grad night hotel. *cough* Tons of parties lined up after Os. And I so can't wait. In fact, thinking about it makes me realise that.. I think I need a job. Dammit. If it weren't for the damn obligation I probably would. Oh well. If you see me passing out flyers or something.. you know something's wrong!







Mmm.. I'm drained. Yeah I know everyone is, with good reason too. Everyday for the past five days has just been endless studying, worrying, fretting, dying. And the sudden harshness of it all only reminded me of how..over everything is for us. I mean, not being able to go through the mundane routine of school made me miss it all. Because all we've been really doing is just co-existing with each other, not enjoying each other's company, as we groan in misery about how bad the paper went. And truth be told, I dread going to sleep every night. I really do. Because all it does is shock me into realising that another precious day has slipped through my fingers and that all of the things I will one day forget is long gone.







And there are so many things I miss already. I miss having free time just to lay around my house not having to wory about not studying and exams and fuck. I miss going for ballet and knowing that I'm trying to do better instead of just giving up like I'm doing now. I miss not having to try to think of something to say to my friends just to keep the conversation going. I miss how we all used to just laugh and joke all the time. I miss just going to school and not listening in class because I can afford to. I miss going shopping and trying on new clothes and shoes. I miss not automatically registering people's use of a metaphors as a literary device in my head just to make sure I know it. I miss how we could just talk without this air of awkwardness between us because of our excessive knowledge of each other. I miss how quiet my house used to be. I miss the people I see everyday. I miss trying my best in an exam because I really haven't been doing that. No, I haven't been doing that at all.








Macbeth said "Why should I play the Roman Fool and die at mine own sword?"






















Because it's easier.



If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman?
If I'm alive and well,
will you be there holding my hand?
I'll keep you by my side with
my superhuman might.

It's my best and most annoying trait

Well it's almost over. And after twenty odd bucks on food, forty big ones spent solely on coffee (gasp) and five consecutive days with my lovely study buddy Din, I am exhausted. And yet it's time again to..

Study

Study

Study

I love this. Really.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would

Like to say to you

But you shot me down.

Stuck in Reverse

"You, if you were sensible,

When I tell you the stars flash signals, each one dreadful,

You would not turn and answer me,

'The night is wonderful'"

Sigh. I have long forgotten the taste of freedom.