Its ironic

that I wanted this to be meaningless so it wouldn't matter enough to drive me crazy. Yet its because I'm a part of something so pointless and worthless that its making me insane.

we're not the fortunate ones

I don't know why these things keep coming back, but they do. And when I say that, I really mean it. A passing thought everyday for years amounts to.. a lot. A lot since I blog a lot. Hurhur. Weeks turn into months and then scarily, into years. Whaaaaaat. Casually flipping through my own space made me realize that I harbor sooo many unresolved issues.. LOL JKING we already knew that. It did however make me really realize that I haven't accepted the way things are... and it's been loooooong. I do this to myself but in my head I believe that to some extend, you do it to me too. I don't know. Well. Most times I just think that life is a choice between thrill and comfort. Because life is the way that it is, you just can't have both no matter how greedy you are. The real problem is not choosing one, but sticking to it. As with human nature, there will always come a time when you envy the person lying on the other patch of grass. When you're comfortable but bored or when you're excited but alone. How does one pick then? I'm too tired to think. Tired of this constant yearning for something more, tired of questioning what has already happened, tired of finding solace in the past when it's already over.

I can still hear you saying

you will never break the chain

"who will ever love you"

at the end of the day, you're just a selfish little person

we did enjoy a happiness

A busy week with a couple of tests and a few nights out. Nitin's epic 21st at One Altitude really got me wondering what this year will bring. The avalanche year, we said. Hurhur. I don't even know where people get the money/ability to convince their parents to do these things. #jealousy I guess that means I better start saving. I reckon that with my citizenship issues, I'd actually be in Singapore on my birthday.. UNLIKE LAST YEARS DISASTER LOL... but then still the same boy. Confused. I'm so funny. Every day is just another "seriously abigail.. why" and it seems like I've already gone through every excuse in the book. What can I say, I'm comfortable I guess. I just think I'm too young to care, but I've said that for years. I've just done this too many times to let it go too easily. Plus I still get to enjoy my freedom ish. WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS BEFORE. Oh well. Moving on. Sadly I still feel that despite the years, there are still many things left unresolved. As much that I hope it's not just me feeling it, I really do think that it is. I find it popping up at me at the worst times, like when I'm crashing home alone. I am nobody to say this but I just hope you understand that you deserve so much more than what you've been getting. And that you're truly a good person and one day, I hope it all makes sense for you. You you.


there will come a time, you'll see

we both know

you're in my mind,
you're in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start

help, I'm alive

whose fault is that?

the most pathetic thing

when two people clearly need to be away from each other but don't leave because they're just comfortable or scared