complic8d

This isn't my favourite thing to have happened. I feel lousy and I cannot wait to run away. I know running off isn't going to change anything, and I know I am probably going to still feel the same way when I come back.. but I really need this. I need to catch a break. I really don't know why this had to happen.. but it did and we talked about it and it's fine. It's fine right? It's fine. It doesn't have to be weird.. I mean it is weird.. but it doesn't have to be. We just need a bit of time to forget that we talked about this. WHY? Why would anyone choose me, of all people? Because I'm fun and fleeting and all that fake shit. Someone to help you forget about your comfortable life? I know that's unfortunately how a lot of guys see me, but I think it's different for you. I know I told you what you feel isn't real.. but I have an inkling that it is. Last night was really nice and honest ish.. as honest as it can be when we're hiding behind the haze of wine. All I can think of now are the city lights reflecting off the quiet water as I coaxed you into opening up. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to force it out of you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I don't want to lose you, you're such a big part of my life right now. And above all else, I truly don't feel anything more than this. And though the night ended bittersweet, it was definitely weird today. Inevitable. I can't afford to lose you and I'm worried that if things carry on this way, I'll either make myself miserable over nothing (as I always do) or we'll have to start distancing ourselves from each other. That sucks man. My mind is in an absolute mess.