the fucking chain

This should be the last time I ever have to say this. You've proven me right time and time again that your existence in my life is a fucking mistake. I don't even know the person that you are anymore. The more I think about it, the more I realize that you were probably always this way.. which only makes me question if I knew you at all. The thing is, does anybody really know you? You hide behind your charm and your words and whatever you think you have going for you, because you know that deep down inside, you're a nobody. I'm not saying this to be mean because I'm angry or whatever, I'm just being fucking honest. Nothing about you is real. Not just to me, because really I'm literally nobody to you. I mean you you. Nothing about you is real. Everything you do or say is part of some huge extremely, elaborate plan you have going on in your sick twisted head. You bring selfishness and narcissism to a whole other level. Your view on everything is fucking skewed because you are blinded by your own fucking self. Why the fuck else would you think that you're a good guy in all of this, in all of life? That's not the way you're supposed to live your life. BUT hey, what do I know about life and more importantly, what do I know about you? I can't even imagine that a time existed that I even meant anything to you. And it's fine. I understand that I don't. I understand that I too have a skewed way of viewing things, except I'm always blinded by you. For years, you were such an important person in my life, even when it wasn't a romantic thing, even when you were gone. But I am no longer in love with you. I haven't been for years. This entire thing is a farce. Maybe it always was, who knows? More importantly, who gives a shit? Right now, I can't think of anything except that if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I'm over the empty promises and the fake words and the false devotion and whatever other bullshit we put each other through (note that I'm taking responsibility.. like a fucking adult). I'm just over all of this bullshit we keep shovelling at each other, pretending that either of us matter to each other. I'm tired of trying to avoid the fact that we don't love each other anymore. That's just it. If you think that our lives are a competition, think again because it really isn't. We simply aren't in the same leagues as each other, full stop. And more importantly, if you think that this is something that you need to win, then think again. Because you have. And so have I. Look. Everybody is their own hero. Obviously, I'm going to think I won for my own reasons, and you're going to think you've won for your own reasons. So. What's the fucking point really? If you want it so fucking badly then sure, you win. You fucking win. I don't care anymore. I just don't. I don't give a fuck about winning and competing with you and I especially don't care for your snarky comments and your bragging. So really, it's quite simple. Just stop. I just can't.