that repeatedly defeated me

I guess to say that I am unhappy is an exaggeration of sorts but to disregard this nagging feeling of discontent also seems like a mistake I can't afford to make. Right this instant, this discomfort is spreading through my being in the form of regret and disappointment. I don't know how I did this at the beginning and how I suffered through this every single fucking day while you spent afternoons filling your own void with someone else. I don't know why I put up with this paranoia and insecurity. The truth is I'm too emotionally invested, which is why I overlook all these problems. I could be happier. I could be more satisfied. I could be better. If I believed.