I just wanted you to let me in

This has been an incredibly trying week. The last week of school for the year and I haven't truly slept in days. Perhaps what is more trying is this resentment I feel towards you for being exactly what I thought you were not. Mayhaps I'm more naive than I thought, or maybe I just don't like being on the losing end of anything. Am I taking this out on you, or are you just being a piece of work? Because let's face it, we're both too old for this shit. Or you are anyway. I'm tired. The worst part of this all is that I'm aching to be beside you. I hate this. I hate having feelings and all that crap it's so gay. So gay. The worst bit of this all is the crippling insecurity and the fact that I signed up for this shit in the first place. The more I know I can't trust you, the more I do because #psychotic. I can't. No amount of mental preparation and my psychotic do-unto-thee crap would make the inevitable end easier. I know this because #5.


Cos there's a tune I've found
that makes me think of you somehow,
and I play it on repeat