come on cherry, cherry

March was weird. Two holidays, a new school, weird nights and some incredibly sticky situations. Well. School been manageable so far. As usual, I have made no friends but that's my own fault really. Why can't people be cool? LOL. Discipline levels are at an all time low as I spend most days sitting there and wondering why can't people be cool. Hurhur. Anyway, the last week has seen me slip from what I deemed as stability and slip into psycho-girl-with-psycho-girl-issues. But it's okay cos I think I can get away with it because I'm a girl. Hurhur. Even as I type I am smirking to myself. It surprises me how not guilty I feel. If you lie long enough, you start to believe it. I am becoming you and that's just.. nasty. ANYWAY, as usual, that one just came and went. Almost literally. Hawhaw. I have no words other than "i am a psycho girl with psycho girl issues". I almost feel like I'm just trying to make myself feel bad about it because I "should". I am saying that based on past experiences and how society stipulates that I should react. Sadly. Enough about that. Another month means another month I have not gotten rid of this. If I am stuck here forever, it will be my own fault.

I heard the news that you're planning

to shoot me out of a canon

that's about as far as your buddy goes

We'll be friends, I'll call you again,

I'll chase you around every bar you attend

Never know what kind of car I'll be in,

We'll see how much you'll be partying then

a certain romance

it's the fear of the unknown that keeps me coming back,
honestly.

Tyler: She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

tonight, I can write the saddest lines

Everything has come full circle. The way things have gone for years, I am surprised that I managed to walk away. The end is just like the beginning.. an ending for you and a beginning for me. A new school, a new lifestyle, new challenges etc. The last few nights of my carefree lifestyle was.. interesting. I'm a terrible person la. I'm horrible and it gets worse when I drink, honestly how do you put up with it? Angry words spat at you but to be fair, if you truly care you would've left.. right? Yup. Ah well. Last night was a right mess. It made me realize that I am just a mean person. I admit I didn't know what I was doing, I just.. went with my instinct. For the first time, it seems to have led me right. Weird. But, enough about all of that. I'm tired of it. The ending of my #lifeofabum devastates me more than anything but I know I'm gonna need to get up and go. I've been playing for too long. What am I saying? I just want to run away..


We, of that time, are no longer the same

you love everybody else

reality check

the scars of your love

A lot of emotional turmoil going on. Hong Kong was a ton of fun but I have too many things on my mind that I need to sort through. I don't know why I'm so tired from doing nothing, but I am. All these years of my life spent pining.. and for what? A revelation from my dearest girl about one.. the One. Pfft. I would chastise your naive beliefs in the One and "this is it" crap if I didn't believe in it too. Oh to be young and full of hope. I miss that. Sipping tea and deciding that it's finally time for me to let all of this go. Now that I finally know, I finally have the answers of our lost love and all that crap. Initially, I really was insanely angry at you for telling me because, how selfish can you get (also, why does no one pay for their own cab fare anymore?) but now I think that maybe it helps. Because at least I know, right? At least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering why. Though to be fair, your reasoning still makes little to no sense to me.. I don't know. The weird thing is that I'm exactly the same as you and you're exactly the same as you used to be. How is that possible for one to stay so stunted? I just think I've been through too much to go back to that. You don't want this either, it won't make sense. The years have come between us. I can't settle down (clearly) and neither can you. It's just kind of fucked up that I've suddenly lost all interest now that I've "found my answer" Soooo... that's it?

I can't help myself from looking for you

take me out

a lovely weekend away but well,

what a way to get back