"Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!"

And I'm hating it again.

What's new.

Baby, could you blow my heart up?

Meow. Guess it's time to fill the black hole, no? Now that I finally have a bit of time to myself since I'm sick on a public holiday AND have the body clock of an intern. As you can see, the past two weeks have been fun. And not the fake fun you think you see in pictures but actual good fun. As Pau said, reconnect with everything you've lost. And as you don't see in pictures, I have been doing just that. "You are only alone if you think you are", says the other wise one. Everything is simpler, though I still always wish I was simpler. No one was more surprised than me that I've really been doing perfectly well. I guess I was just so caught up in the fear and from the past experience that I completely undermined my own ability to deal with life. "You sound like the Abi I used to know", nothing is more comforting than that. Speaking of comfort, I guess it was only natural of (somebody like) me to go running back... only find myself in the same place I was years ago. It's this damn inability to hate her. I need a damn fucking gun, this cycle is ridiculous. ROAR. Other than that, other animal noises can be made at other people though I know I shouldn't even if I wanted to or if you wanted me to or if you want to but OH WELL. Meow.

Said that we could do it,

You know I wanna do it again

.. and miss her when she's gone.

I forgot how much I enjoy the freedom.

You are too easy to hate.

The wise one

"The only thing I would be upset about is that I lost my best friend."

These questions I cannot face.

Maybe I secretly know all the answers.

Fucking neglect

Is this the best you can do.

That boy is a monster

The break I deserved the most. The week that almost killed me. Well, nothing here is worth dying for. Labels labels labels. It's just easier and if I dare say so, more satisfying. ISH. I am going mad. Everybody knows. Even I know. Nothing to come home to. Nothing but chaos and settling dust. Nothing but restrictions. Nothing but humidity. Nothing but the universe telling us no. Flashback to the side of some fucking road off Eunos and you are flicking your cigarette at me and I am daring you to stay. Everything looks bad on me. I am going crazy, there is so much tension inside me. Source of all misery. But I am suppressing everything perfectly fine. It's not killing me, it's just somewhere away. And I am okay with that. Until I am breathing too deeply in some taxi somewhere but till then, I am fine. Hong Kong was amazing. I took a holiday inside my head, and not the illegal way. And it was good and I was refreshed and I had to make many life changing decisions like which bag to buy and what to eat. And for a weekend, everything was okay. Where my heart belongs, says the wise one. Hurhurhur. It's funny how it represents something completely different now. It used to be where I wallow and now I do that at home. I am fine really. Nothing is killing me, I'm doing that myself.

I've got to breathe,

You can't take that from me.

Fuck you, April

And if I died right now, you'll never be the same