I know it's been a long time, but I've kept away from this space because writing down these thoughts only amplified them in my head. You know what they say.. out of sight, out of mind. And yet. I really have to admit, I do miss having a friend for the day to day. Although I think about it a lot less these days, my mind can't help but wander to the times we spent together waiting for the world to end. And of course I knew it wouldn't last and that things would've changed.. as they should have. Yet I can't seem to shut out that voice in my head that constantly wonders if you ever think about me anymore. Ugh, I'm a child. Do you though? Do you still think about me and that one time..... Maybe it would be easier for me too, if I was the one that left. But it's fine. It's life. It wasn't going to go anywhere anyway and a million other excuses I tell myself to feel better about the fact that for some reason, I didn't get what I wanted. It's really fine. At this point, I really only want it because I simply can't have it. Well, you know. Moving on. I think where I am in my life right now, I'm constantly at the cusp of getting what I want. I have had so many good and bad things happen to me. I feel down right now, but I am still ever ever grateful for everything that I have in my life. I may forget this along the way, but I've seen what it's like to live on the other side, to live such a separate life from the people around you. I've seen what it's like to not appreciate everything that you have, to be inconsiderate, to be selfish. I don't want that anymore. I want to change and I want to be better. I want to be better. I need to be better.
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