the fact of the matter

I've been home for just over a month by now, and while there are so many things that I can and have complained about, I must also remember that there are also many things that I have to appreciate. I don't know how to pen my thoughts anymore. My brain is in a jumble right now, town apart from paranoia and fear. If this is real, it isn't going to be one of those fuck you things. It's going to be fucking real and it's gonna hurt like a fucking bitch. And I am terrified of what you're going to do to us, of what you're going to do to me. I admit, I'm no angel in this. In fact, I'm hardly an angel in anything I do in my life. This is something I'm trying to work on. I can only hope that you will stick around long enough to see it.