choose your last words

this is the last time

getting up & moving on

but I still can't seem to get you off my mind

you took a white orchird

last night the world was beneath us

Here we go again. I cannot stress enough how much of a complete and utter waste of my life this is. I am in my mid-twenties, I shouldn't have to still do this. I shouldn't have to fight with children, about the behaviour of other children. I am genuinely so angry that I cannot see any logic in this.. and in you. You dense motherfucker. The thing is, I really didn't want it to come to this. I didn't want to be childish about it and misalign my hate.. but some bitches JUST HAD TO. I'm positively livid.. and at a time when I'm actively trying my best not to handle things as badly as I used to. When I was much younger, I used to be so hateful, viscously petty, ridiculously vindictive and downright mean. I used to say the most terrible and hurtful things, just to get a reaction. I know that I've changed. I know I need to be conscious about not just what comes out of my mouth, but what terrible thoughts go through my head.. and it is taking every fucking fibre of my being not to stoop to that level again. I know this is about pride. I don't feel jealous. I don't fucking feel insecure (take note, bitches). I don't feel threatened. I don't even feel possessive. I don't feel like how I would feel if I was scared to lose something. In short, I don't feel like how I may have felt three years ago? I just feel humiliated and angry. That's probably the biggest problem of all.

you make it a choice