runaway from me, baby

and I just blame everything on you 

at least you know that's what I'm good at

what's my prize?

I think that the only reason this still bothers me is because I don't have closure. As much as I hated what happened, I can't deny that I still think about it more often than I care to admit. It's been a long time, and it wasn't even real, etc etc etc. Honestly, it still doesn't even feel real to me. I know this is just an idea in my head. I know I made this up. And yet, I can't quite shake it off entirely. You are a ghost following me around, reminding me that for some reason, I was simply not good enough.

looking back,

you're all I see

I've always secretly wanted

It's been too long since I've been here. Most of it is because I've been all over.. London, Hong Kong, Tokyo, the works. Some of it is also because I've been super reluctant to think about my life and where it's been. The most striking thing I've read this week: "Getting your shit together is not just something you tell your friends over drinks. It's about actioning on it." Right. It's difficult when You're The Worst. Truth be told, I've been quite unhappy with the way my life is now. Although I am doing relatively well, I find that I am still deeply dissatisfied with where I am. I guess I just always thought I would be better and do better. I guess I thought I would just.. get good. Ugh. Actions > Words. I'm going to get this shit together even if it kills me. Like how I was going to get over that shit even if it killed me.. which it didn't. It's fine. It's been so long now, I can only barely make it out through the haze of nostalgia and misplaced longing. I hardly think about it anymore, but if I do, I feel more disenchanted than delusional. Honestly, it just kind of became this idea.. as it always does. Not so much the idea of this one particular person, but the idea of something fleeting and... romantic? In some sick, non-standard way. Or at least that's what I choose to believe. Well. Everything is. Everything is simply what I choose to believe.