Lately, I've been feeling out of touch. My mind's been wandering.. It's not that I'm not grateful for everything that I have, it's just that.. two outta three? No thanks. I know in life we can't have every single thing exactly the way we want it.. but also, why not?? I feel like I haven't been present lately. Like right now all I can think is, why can't you just let me win? WHY. Why can't you just let me have this just this once? I let you win every other time. Truth be told, I don't even really care that much anymore. I just want to have this one thing. I mean, this isn't even about you anymore. I just want to win. That's it. Ugh. I don't want to always be the bad guy.. or at least, I don't know anyone else to know that I am always the bad guy. The funny thing is, just a few moons ago I was wondering about you. I just want it when I don't have it. God, how old am I? Or is it just that.. you're so disappointing? Or maybe it's a fair mixture of both. Pffft, fair. Sure. Maybe I just have a hankering. On the other hand.. I know things have been smooth sailing, but I'm just not here. My mind reduces to an empty space when any idea of our future or our situation or anything that involves anything potentially real comes up. What the hell is wrong with me.
