Maybe you don't understand that everything between us, both horrible and lovely, happened for a reason. Or maybe, I am the one that doesn't understand. Everyone seems to think this was a long time coming but only I know it's less than what it seems. I'm not as naive as before. I'm less than what I was. Back when the grass was green and the love was lit, everything mattered. Every fleeting feeling, every infinite moment and every precious connection - they were all part of something bigger than you and I. Nowadays, these things are simply experienced as a means to pass the time. In my life, anyway. The truth is in my life, nothing truly matters anymore. The indifference I feel for you in not a result of the years between us, but a casualty of my existence. The thing is, I'm trying to be better. Better than who I was, better than what I had, better than where I was; and the only way to do that right now is to move forward, to be with someone normal and do normal things and have minimal feelings because where has loving something ever gotten me. I don't really know what I'm saying. The more I try to think, the more I can't.Turn into,
the only thing I ever know
