how did it end up like this?

She says she might just runaway somewhere else, some place good 

We can't wait 'til tomorrow 

You gotta know that this is real, baby why you wanna fight it? 

It's the one thing you can choose

if you got the money for me

I know I've been missing for a while. I think a lot of it has to do with me simply not wanting to think about my life or what I've been doing and if it's been the right step forward. The days have come easy - tamed adventures, rolling around in bed and our usual shenanigans. But what does any of it really mean? This perennial question hangs over my head. The weight of reality is something I can't escape from. The past few months have proven that this paranoia is simply something I have to live with because a) I'm so incredibly jaded that I question every single thing b) you don't seem like one to trust. Life. Or more aptly, bad decisions. I guess this means that taking shit slow is a good thing, but where exactly are we taking this? This concept of formalising relationships seems so trivial and yet so crucial. It's not so much the asking as it is the mutual agreement on the importance you play in each other's lives.. I guess. On one hand, if it ain't broke don't fix it. Yet on the other, I find myself indignantly questioning why it hasn't happened yet. In the corner, I lick my bruised ego and delve deeper into my paranoia. And then you call and well, it's not so bad. Bleagh, such unnecessary cliches for someone who has no feelings.


I'll find you somewhere,
show you just how much I care

Can you make it to the end of her?

how much does it mean to be together?

I missed a kiss for you

Maybe you don't understand that everything between us, both horrible and lovely, happened for a reason. Or maybe, I am the one that doesn't understand. Everyone seems to think this was a long time coming but only I know it's less than what it seems. I'm not as naive as before. I'm less than what I was. Back when the grass was green and the love was lit, everything mattered. Every fleeting feeling, every infinite moment and every precious connection - they were all part of something bigger than you and I. Nowadays, these things are simply experienced as a means to pass the time. In my life, anyway. The truth is in my life, nothing truly matters anymore. The indifference I feel for you in not a result of the years between us, but a casualty of my existence. The thing is, I'm trying to be better. Better than who I was, better than what I had, better than where I was; and the only way to do that right now is to move forward, to be with someone normal and do normal things and have minimal feelings because where has loving something ever gotten me. I don't really know what I'm saying. The more I try to think, the more I can't.


Turn into,
the only thing I ever know

apparently

"When your man only loves you, he can still be caring and respectful towards you. He’ll still enjoy spending time with you and taking you out to dinners and movies. He’ll spend time with your family and friends, he’ll talk with you on the phone for hours, he won’t say or do anything to hurt you, and he’ll be good and decent towards you…However, regardless of all these positive moments you two share together, either way you’re still not the one who he wants to be in a long-term committed relationship with. Why? Because you’re not the core of his desire…He’s waiting for someone who will stir that fire that’s in his belly…Unfortunately, it’s not you."
- bitch, are you retarded

send my love on a wire

 

too busy for this space

covered in shells

Points to note:

- you come as quickly as you go, which only begs the question: what did you want?

- ignorance is the key to happiness

- happiness is a word used loosely to define momentary satisfaction 

- and I'm okay with all of that