A year from now

Holy fucking macaroni! Boxing Day was more.. everything than I expected. I am now so broke I have to starve for the next week or so. We blew a combined total of.. half a thousand holy fucking macaroni once again! This is why we fight over grains of the miserable-and-oh-too-expensive plate of chicken rice we shared for dinner. Plastic forks are not our friends! oh. Now my nails smell pretty and everyone thinks I have gone insane. Haha. Planned, ate, spent and repented. Life is good. New Year's, like every other day, will come and go. Danced around on the train back to "Ain't No Party" and it hits us, really hits us, that it's been a damn year since that was our jam! Shizzles. And somehow I see through our friendship that it's so fucking true that we are completely different yet still exactly the same. Oh I am getting too cliched but I think the lack of money in my pocket is screwing with my mind!

The little we've had,

You've thrown it all away.

Oh oh this is getting oh too personal

Christmas Eve, I wonder if I'll ever change. That was more unintentional than anything else and so I owe Din and Krysten my life. Again. Smart move Batman. Oh oh this is getting personal.. too fucking personal. It was the angst the pure motherfucking angst and it sucks to wake up the next morning and realize that this angst is hurting no one but my fucking self and everyone else around me who still gives a fuck. It is hurting me. With Bear yelling to let it go let it go; I'm not the sort who lets things go. Oh wine. And in my awesomeness accidentally fumbled on my technology, Sonia Chew you might never love me the same way again (Call me, you will be so insulted you could die). This isn't about you anyway, that one was an accident. It's okay cos in my sick twisted mind, deleting it means it never happened. Hawhawhaw. Fuck shit I'm tired balls. Next thing I know I'm bent over the lovely host's toilet revisiting Christmas dinner with familiar faces holding back my hair giving me the familiar looks that remind me why I'm supposed to stop. Tick Tock Tick Tock.. I regurgitate again. Falling asleep on Din/couch = Passing out. Awoke hours later alone to join the mass orgy + truth or dare + not being the only one high all night or what I recall of it. (Thanks once again to Rakashakalaka for proclaiming that to the world I love you goodnight) And yet with all that ruckus surrounding and shrouding me in my tiny corner, all I could do was stare at the swirling stars on the ceiling with the same sentences screaming screaming in my head. I will never understand why this keeps happening either. Don't oh? me. Because in my mind, nothing will ever be my fault cos I'm just a crazy stubborn bitch who can't deal with her emotions properly. I also spent a good portion of the night wondering if I did the right thing. Moral dilemmas I suppose are called dilemmas for a reason. And although I know it wasn't the nicest thing to do, I stand by my crazy stubborn bitch excuse. *shrug. Woke up to a lovely lovely rainy morning with contacts still in my eye and my Matharnis missing and.. The L Word. Ah.. I'm going to hell.

I don't wanna be the one,

Making all the noise.

I'm giving up

Running creates epiphanies. Well more like failing at running. In a moment of impulsiveness and well.. envy, I tied up my hair, put on some shorts and shoes and off I went. Yeah, I about died, no surprise there. Practically crawled back, panting and heaving like an idiot. What's odd is that I feel like I'm in good shape, I just don't feel healthy. And really, I'm not. My brother blames this chronic cough I hope I'm not developing and somehow that doesn't make me feel any  better. So that leaves me sweaty, worn out and out of breath on my room floor wondering for the millionth time how I got myself here in the first fucking place. Ugh regret and remorse. And for the first time, I finally see that this.. everything.. has to stop. Well that and all the disappointment and disillusion shrouding this house. Yesterday I remembered why I was the good child and should always be for the sake of my parent's sanity. Anyway, I guess this will not be party week after all simply because I (perhaps for the first time in all of history) know better. Sorry Frosty will get low without me! Haha. This week I will run, this week I will rest and get better, this week I will breathe easy.

I almost forgot what it feels like,

To know when love feels right.

More than you could ever know

Mandatory cam-whoring! Lunch at Bugis left us reeling from being told to shut up, after sonia got hit on by an uh..old dude during my quest for bubble tea! Ha. A long walk to City Hall later saw us getting poseur yogurt + passing technology around in a panicked frenzy. She reckons it's a sport I oh-so-bitchily partake in and I reckon she is right. Trained to Chinatown in a fucking futile attempt to begin on my assignment, walked a whole big round as a tourist in the fucking humidity and collapsed at Coffee Bean for Christmas coffee in mock deliria. There could have been a hurhur in your hehe! HAHAHA. oh. Died for a bit then proceeded to Harbor Front for.. harbor front views. Trudged around for a bit, played with lights before completely giving up from fucking exhaustion and yelling "LET'S JUST GO SHOP LA!" Typical typical. Hahaha. Bickered over dinner cos I have issues maintaining friendly ties with uh.. everybody. See I told you we'd end up eating everything! We shall jam to random songs again and spend too much money on Boxing day kaaaaay! Gah so much to do, so little time. Hope hope secret hope.

I want you to change it all,

I'm gonna make it better.