I wanted us to be always

You think I'm fly, don't cha?

Haha. I am running away tomorrow and never coming back. Gosh I still have yet to pack! Or mentally prepare myself for the plane trip alone, which might prove to be scarier than I had imagined. My thoughts are in a jumble. I have so much dread. School is an issue, it needs to die. I feel like I have been orphaned what with my responsible parent being non-existent on this island. I could have died on the streets of Changi last night and no one cared. Creeping home just before the crack of dawn was essentially useless, I might as well have paraded in reeking of the pleasant scent of chalets and it wouldn't have made a difference. Pffft. I don't want school to start. Please don't make me turn seventeen. I am so fucking broke, where the fuck has all my fucking money gone?! ROAR. I won't be sporting metal for the next four days. It feels empty, so much change.... What were we talking about again?

Now you'll never see,

What you've done to me.

You can take back your memories,

They're no good to me.

Close my eyes and wonder what it's like

I don't want to regret not living out every second of my youth. 

Then again,

I don't want to regret screwing up my life trying to live.

These confusing thoughts are running through my mind,

Because school is starting in a week

And my holidays are over.

I feel different.

I've lost my place,

I'm close behind.

You did this to me

"You know, there's a girl who literally has a shard of glass in her heart"

Secretly.

Every other morning it's your face that I miss

Nothing lasts forever.

Especially not temporary jobs! Goodbye mid-range priced clothing outlet and the dread it brought! Still, not a bad stint on the whole I suppose. Honestly it isn't as terrible as I make it out to be, but then again maybe it's cos I'm finally free! Haha. Payday is less than a day away and I'm just itching for the rest of my life back though I'm not sure how that's looking anymore. Oh and after months and months I finally cut my hair. Symbolic? Let's fucking hope so. Anyway the two morons are off in Malaysia and have left me here alone to fantasize about getting kidney stones in my motherland. I'm starting to get excited about going again, perhaps cos there's nothing but school to look forward to. Oh the complete and utter joy. The dread I feel towards returning to the institution is really directed at the social aspect more than the technical what-nots. Roar. There's still time though, there's still time. I'm fine.

Burn another bridge,

Break another heart. 

You try again

And it will only fall apart.

Completely numb, I felt no satisfaction

It's in your eyes,

I can tell what you're thinking.

My heart is sinking too.

It's no surprise,

I've been watching you lately,

I want to make it with you.

Can you get up off the ground?

The state I'm in.

I stopped thinking about a fortnight ago. Stopped analyzing, stopped reflecting, stopped antagonizing my mind with memories. Everything is strangely calm and yet I secretly know that it isn't concrete, so it's difficult to tell if I am taking comfort in that or not. In fact I think I stopped feeling any kind of deep-rooted negative emotion. I have filled the gaping hole with stuff without substance, with superficial thoughts and temporary remedies. So essentially I am shoving everything aside. I don't think of anything remotely sad, I don't think of my heartaches, I don't think of my scars both physical and emotional, I don't think of the extent of the damage. I block everything out. So everything will be fine and dandy till I remember to my dismay, that I am only human and that I am drowning in everything.

I don't wanna talk about it,

How you broke my heart.

I wanna make up right now

Those who run seem to have all the fun.

Here we go again, another month down. Another month further from everything, another month closer to nothing. But heck what a month, even I'd admit. Stabbed a needle through my tongue, almost starving to death the next few days, got my first real job, one drunk night too many, consequences, ignoring, almost falling asleep in a pub, endless nights at Siglap with eyecandy, "MOTHERFUCK", being attacked by a grasshopper(!), a new blog, shopping sprees and a not-so-chance encounter which pretty much resulted in "DIN, FIX IT!". Waking up at 1 everyday and making the best (and worst) of my holidays doing nothing particularly productive. As I said, meaningless. Right now October's forecast looks just as trivial. Hong Kong for a tad then it's delving right back into the horrors of school. October will end horrendously though, that one I can quite guarantee. 

I'm not loving you,

That way I wanted to.

You lose.